Parenting Mistakes

I read this in the July 2014 Ensign and it spoke to me.

"When you feel inclined to berate yourself for parenting mistakes, try to deepen your humility instead of your humiliation."

I was not the perfect parent, though I really wanted to be. I hope my children forgive me for my mistakes and do better than I did. I think that is what any parent wants. I think that as children become parents and see how hard it can be and make their own mistakes they tend to forgive their parents.

I sometimes do feel humiliation for things I did or didn't do. But instead I need to focus on repentance and humility - and remember that often,I was doing the best I could under the circumstances.

Pefectionism

For many years I was a frustrated perfectionist. I so wanted to be perfect but knew I wasn't and wouldn't be in this life. As I have learned more about the Lord's perfect atonement I have come to accept my failings and my missteps with faith and hope that they will be forgiven and that the Lord has already covered those for me. I just need to keep trying.

I liked what I read in the July 2014 Ensign from Elder Gerrit W. Gong -

"Perfectionism can cause sleeplessness, anxiety, procrastination, discouragement, self-justification, and depression. These feelings can crowd out the peace, joy, and assurance our Savior wants us to have.

Missionaries who want to be perfect now may become anxious or discouraged if learning their mission language, seeing people baptized, or receiving mission leadership assignments do not happen fast enough. 

For capable young people accustomed to accomplishment, a mission may be life’s first great challenge. But missionaries can be exactly obedient without being perfect. They can measure their success primarily by their commitment to help individuals and families “become faithful members of the Church who enjoy the presence of the Holy Ghost.”

Students beginning a new school year, especially those leaving home for college, face both excitement and concerns. Student scholars, athletes, artists, and so forth go from being a “big fish in a little pond” to feeling like a minnow in an ocean with unfamiliar tides and swift, unpredictable currents. It is easy for students with perfectionist tendencies to feel that, no matter how hard they try, they have failed if they are not first in all things."

He also said:

"Another serious dimension of perfectionism is to hold others to our unrealistic, judgmental, or unforgiving standards. Such behavior may, in fact, deny or limit the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement in our lives and in the lives of others. For example, young single adults may make a list of desired qualities in a potential spouse and yet be unable to marry because of unrealistic expectations for the perfect companion.

Thus, a sister may be unwilling to consider dating a wonderful, worthy brother who falls short on her perfectionist scale—he does not dance well, is not planning to be wealthy, did not serve a mission, or admits to a past problem with pornography since resolved through repentance and counseling.

Similarly, a brother may not consider dating a wonderful, worthy sister who doesn't fit his unrealistic profile—she is not a sports enthusiast, a Relief Society president, a beauty queen, a sophisticated budget-er, or she admits to an earlier, now-resolved weakness with the Word of Wisdom.

Of course, we should consider qualities we desire in ourselves and in a potential spouse. We should maintain our highest hopes and standards. But if we are humble, we will be surprised by goodness in unexpected places, and we may create opportunities to grow closer to someone who, like us, is not perfect."